Babysitting Hulk Hogan
I AM WAITING onboard an almost-empty airplane. We were loaded up, ready to go, passengers seated, carry-on luggage stowed, safety demo complete, when something happened. Something in the flight deck wasn’t quite right, something perhaps as innocent as a light didn’t illuminate, an indicator didn’t indicate, a fault message was sending a signal to the pilots. I don’t know the details.
The cockpit of an airplane is a compilation of instruments. Panels feature dials and displays, breakers and switches. Little glass windows cover an array of compasses, gauges, scopes and sensors. There are warnings, alerts and alarms. It’s all very complicated. I’m don’t know how airplanes get off the ground- something about lift and thrust.
I do, however, know everything about the back of the airplane. This is my neighborhood. I know how to open and close every door and window, how to open the lavatory door if your kid gets locked inside. I can take that lavatory door completely off its hinges, if need be! If you need a Band-Aid, a compress, a whiff of oxygen or a snort of Narcan, I’m your girl. I can get you out of a burning airplane or help you into a big yellow life raft but don’t inflate your lifevest until you exit the aircraft, please. I can serve beverages to 200 people in 49 minutes (with the help of my crew, of course) and then pick up the trash, restock the galley and prepare for landing. I can comfort the frightened, console the grieving, congratulate the champion.
Today, the maintenance issue is critical enough that we have returned to the gate and all passengers are required to deplane except one. He is a celebrity sitting in first class. His name is Hulk Hogan and he is a famous wrestler.
We Tampa-based flight attendants know Hulk well. He is on our flights all the time as he lives in Clearwater, Florida, a city just west of Tampa. He is an imposing character with his height, his bulging muscles, his white Fu Manchu moustache, sunglasses and a colorful bandanna on his head.
Hulk Hogan is a very nice guy. I have seen him many times in the airport, signing autographs or posing for photos and selfies with adoring fans. Many celebrities hide from the public that made them famous and rich, preferring to remain as anonymous as possible. They disdainfully treat flight attendants like servants. Not Hulk. He smilingly obliges every request and treats us kindly and politely.
Today he is allowed to remain on board even though everyone else is required to deplane. We offer Hulk drinks, snacks, anything at all to make this delay tolerable and keep him comfortable.
We flight attendants LOVE that Hulk has remained on board. We get paid extra if there’s even one single passenger remaining on board, a small addition to our regular salary called “holding with passengers” pay. We hate it if there are a lot of passengers remaining on board, because then we have to offer drinks and snacks served out of the galley, which delayed passengers always inhale like it’s their last meal. We have to answer a lot of questions to which we don’t really have the answers. “What’s wrong with the plane?” “What time will we take off?” “Will I make my connection?” “Will my bags make it?” “Can I get a free cocktail?” The answers are Not sure. Don’t know. Most likely. Probably. No.
But today there’s only one passenger left on board and he is snoozing in his first class seat. He is snoring like a chainsaw. We all giggle, whispering and tip-toeing past his seat, not wanting to disturb him. Suddenly Hulk snorts and wakes up with a start. He looks around. “Was I drooling?” he asks in a funny, self-deprecating way. We all laugh. He has charmed us completely.
We call the extra money we receive in our next paycheck “babysitting Hulk Hogan pay.”
I have been seated close to Hulk Hogan a number of times on my flights back to Tampa, and I agree, he was a very nice person. I, too, have seen him stop down for autographs and/or photos. He is huge loss to the wrestling community and the larger community. May he rest in peace. At least you got some extra “babysitting” pay!